ParentTV: Making friends is a skill and here’s how to help your child practise
By April, most classes have settled into routines and that’s often when friendship worries become more visible. The child who seemed “fine” in Week 2 might now be saying, “No one plays with me,” or hovering on the edge of groups at lunch. For some kids, making friends is effortless. For others, it feels like trying to enter a game without knowing the rules.
The good news: friendship has skills and skills can be taught. At home and at school, we can coach children in small, practical ways that make social connection easier.
- Start with “friendly on the outside”
Think about a warm person you know. You may not be close friends, but they feel approachable. Usually they:
- smile
- look open (not shut down or “stricken”)
- give off a sense of “I’m safe to talk to.”
Some children, especially when anxious, unintentionally look tense or guarded and other kids can misread that as “not interested.” A simple practice is to help them rehearse a friendly face and body: soft eyes, small smile, shoulders relaxed. It sounds basic, but it’s powerful.
- Teach the “meaningful compliment”
Friendship often begins with a small moment of warmth. Encourage children to notice something kind about another child and say it out loud:
- Younger kids might start with: “I like your sneakers!”
- Older kids can go deeper: “You’re really good at explaining things,” or “I like how you include people.”
At home, you can practise: “What’s one nice thing you could say to someone today?”
- Give them an “in” to start a conversation
Some children want friends, they just don’t know how to enter the conversation. Help them practise a few simple openers:
- “What game are you playing?”
- “Can I join the next round?”
- “I’m reading that book too!”
- “That’s a cool lunchbox, where did you get it?”
Role-play it in the car. Keep it light. Repetition builds confidence.
- Coach “talking with,” not“talking at”
We’ve all met the person who only talks about themselves and kids feel that too. A key friendship skill is showing interest:
- ask a question
- listen
- share something back
- ask another question
A simple home prompt: “Tell me one thing you learned about someone else today.”
- Normalise the practice (especially during transitions)
Friendship skills matter even more during change: starting kindy, moving into Year 1, changing classes, or entering high school. Mid–Term 1 is a brilliant time for a gentle reset, not because anything’s “wrong,” but because kids are still learning the social landscape.
Adapted from key ideas shared by parenting educator Claire Orange in her video “How to help children make friends” on ParentTV.
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